Have you ever been in a situation where an “I’m sorry.” doesn’t make an impact?
I’m sure we’ve all had situations where we’ve been responsible for an issue gone wrong. As a husband and wife team in Leadership, you might feel accountable for the behavior of your children – or employees – or fellow volunteers, because the proverbial “buck” stops with you. You lead. You’re responsible for the final outcome, therefore you need to provide an apology.
Will your apology be accepted?
And then there are the situations where you and your spouse have a conflict.
Perhaps you have the need to apologize to your spouse.
How can you make peace?
Peace as a value:
Harmonious relations; freedom from disputes.
After an incident or a dispute, an apology is often required. How can your apology make an impact to again have peace?
Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas have a powerful and useful book called, “The Five Languages of Apology“. The subtitle is “How to Experience Healing in All Your Relationships”.
If you’ve read Gary Chapman’s “The Five Love Languages”, you’ll know he is a master at taking a complex subject and making it practical. This book is no different.
Here is his premise: “Genuine forgiveness and reconciliation are two-person transactions that are enabled by apologies.” And similar to his idea that we all have a primary “Love Language”, Chapman & Thomas suggest we all need to hear an apology in our own “language”.
- Expressing Regret: “I am sorry.”
- Accepting Responsibility – “I was wrong.”
- Making Restitution – “What can I do to make it right?”
- Genuinely Repenting – “I’ll try not to do that again.”
- Requesting Forgiveness – “Will you please forgive me?”
As with the concept of Love Languages, sometimes using all the languages of apology is necessary. Chapman & Thomas have chapters exploring each ‘language’, then delve into questions to discover a primary apology language, learning to apologize in the family, teaching children to apologize, apologizing in relationships, and in the workplace. There is also a group study guide included.
More than Just an “I’m Sorry”
Have you ever experienced a time when your spouse said “I’m sorry.”, but you felt a lack of sincerity? Or perhaps the situation was reversed… Maybe exploring what “more” was needed is the key to restoring peace.
What’s your experience?
How do you say, “I’m Sorry.”?
This post is #5 in a blogging marathon with the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association (CMBA). For 15 days we’ll be using one Value from each of the 15 categories in the ebook, “Developing Your Differentiating Values” to explore ways Leadership Couples can encourage each other.